End-of-life plans are for everyone.

Sep 8

We read stories all the time of critically injured patients hooked up to machines for years after they were often heard saying they would rather not be. Families left to fight it out over a deceased loved one’s estate. Legal battles extending for years among family members over what a patient or decedent would or would not have wanted. A common denominator? Lack of end-of-life planning and documentation.

There are four components of end-of-life planning to consider: legal dispensation (wills, trusts, etc), funeral arrangements (including spiritual preferences, body handling, etc), medical directives (such as a DNR, Advanced Healthcare Directives, and assigning a durable power of attorney), and vigil planning (making end-of-life wishes known for bedside during illness and post-death, prior to body removal.) Many of these components overlap - medical and legal arrangements are often cooperative documents, for example. Your vigil plan and your funeral/memorial arrangements often share spiritual considerations and aesthetics. The key is to get these plans in place and you may want to consider this sooner than you think!

Circumstances beyond your control.

One of the most obvious circumstances which makes having your affairs in order urgent and important is that of an unforseen emergency. Two outcomes may include 1) severe injury, rendering a person unable to make their own choices and 2) death. In either of these scenarios, having the right documents signed and on file with the appropriate people could alleviate an inordinate amount of stress for all involved. At the very least, you will want to get your Advanced Healthcare Directive signed, make your wishes known, and assign someone you trust to enforce both the document and your wishes. There is no way to predict sudden accidents and it is always better to err on the side of caution - at the very least, having your Advanced Directives executed and in place means that, in the event of that emergency, there are clear instructions to your family, friends, doctors, lawyers, and business partners regarding your wishes.

Wills, trusts, estates - where to start?!

For more reading on making a will in California:

https://www.nolo.com/legal-encyclopedia/california-make-will-32181.html

https://oag.ca.gov/consumers/general/living_trust_mills

https://www.freewill.com/ad/create-a-last-will-testament?utm_term=will%20for%20parents&utm_campaign=FreeWill+Main_ROAS&utm_source=adwords&utm_medium=ppc&utm_content=166803083655&gad_source=1&gclid=Cj0KCQjwlvW2BhDyARIsADnIe-JumnpuEE6c6df40jgmn7tCVRPrYfDzFQjS7FAQtcW8nXMMcASlcAEaAmPnEALw_wc

https://www.ncoa.org/adviser/estate-planning/how-to-make-a-will-without-a-lawyer/

There are multiple online organizations who will help you quickly and (relatively) cheaply get your simple will made. The more complex your estate, the more guidance and licensed support you may need. Some people simply find the information and forms required at their local library and write a simple will themselves. Others may have more complex holdings, or familial complexity, which makes it necessary to consult an estate planning attorney. Everyone has different needs regarding the dispensation of their estate after death - what’s important it to get yourself organized so that you can figure out which route is best for you and yours.

In California, you can write your own will by hand, have it signed by two non-beneficiary witnesses at the same time, and store it safely until it’s needed. Notarization is not required by law in California to make your will a legal document. Sounds easy, right? Well… This article is not here to give out legal advice! The truth is: there are simple ways to write your will, assign an executor, and have your wishes carried out - they just may not be what’s best for you. Determining the best option for you legally and financially still comes down to you & your needs. The good news is it is much easier, more accessible, and cheaper now than it was before the internet.

Funeral & memorial arrangements.

Like everything else, the options for after-death care have expanded greatly in recent years. What has always been a highly personal set of choices has now become highly personalized as well. The most important factor here is to plan ahead when possible (for financial & personal details) , make your wishes known, and appoint people you trust to carry out your wishes.

Medical decisions can be fraught - get ahead of the emotions & make your decisions now.

This one is especially important in the event of an emergency scenario. It can be almost impossible, after the fact, to navigate family dynamics when a sudden accident occurs and someone is incapacitated or killed. It is helpful both legally and for the peace-of-mind of all involved to remove opinion and doubt from the equation. In non-emergency scenarios, having your Healthcare Directives signed and organized provides similar relief, especially in the event of long illness and potential changes to mental capacity. Finally, just on principle, having these documents in order will simplify almost any scenario which might medically & legally arise in the event of incapacity or death. There are plenty of complicated, emotional, stressful, and expensive aspects which can arise at end-of-life - having Advanced Directives signed and safely in the hands of someone you trust is one less thing to worry about.

While there are circumstances which will always fall outside the purview of a living will - a DNR, Advanced Directives, a durable power of attorney, and other documents in this family - having these items in place will alleviate a huge number of concerns for you and yours. Finally, talk in-depth with your family & friends about your wishes, and be sure that you are clear about your decisions and intents.

More information:

https://emsa.ca.gov/dnr_and_polst_forms/

https://tularecounty.ca.gov/lawlibrary/forms/power-of-attorney/

https://www.nia.nih.gov/health/advance-care-planning/advance-care-planning-advance-directives-health-care

https://oag.ca.gov/system/files/media/ProbateCodeAdvanceHealthCareDirectiveForm-fillable.pdf

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r8pd1J-filQ

Saying goodbye - a thoughtful vigil.

A vigil is often thought of as a group of people standing together at night, with lit candles in hand, after a publicized tragedy. In end-of-life care and services, there is so much more to it than that. The key difference is that, rather than a gathering of strangers after a death, your vigil plan is an organized effort to provide space for you and your closest people to say goodbye at the end of your life and shortly after death, i.e. time with your body to accept and embrace your passing. This can be filled with ritual & activity. It can also simply be time and space to grieve.

Your vigil (at end-of-life especially) is a space to carry out your final choices regarding how you wish to depart, the environment you want to cultivate during that time, and the people you choose to have near your bedside as you pass. Write it down. If you want candles and flowers, write it down. If you want reruns of The Sopranos playing or soft music playlists, write it down. If you want prayers & hymns of your faith, write it down & choose your favorites. If you want boisterous and noisy fun - say it. If you want quiet and peaceful talk or reflection - make it known. Once you have an explicit and clear vigil plan written down, appoint someone (or a couple someones) to enforce that environment for you so that you can focus on meeting your end in the manner you want to. Family members and friends may not have the capacity to deal with your vigil plan while they are actively grieving, so it maybe worthwhile to consider a 3rd party such as an end-of-life doula (a.k.a. death doula), or an end-of-life coach.

The thing is, if you are in a position to have a vigil at the end-of-life, you have the opportunity to look inward, your family and friends have the opportunity to adjust and say goodbye, and having the plan to create a space for these emotional challenges will give you peace of mind and allow you to ease into the transition of death.